BOOK REVIEW - R UMA MAHESWARI M.A., M.Phil.,M.Ed.,

 

                        

BOOK REVIEW - I’M OK – YOU’RE OK by K. Rajavel M.Sc., M.Ed., Principal

 

Title of the book                               I’M OK – YOU’RE OK

Author                                                 Thomas A.Harris, M.D.

Name of the publisher                   Avon Books

ISBN                                                    0-030-007772

Edition                                                July 1973

 

Introduction

Are you okay? That's probably the most important question anyone will ever answer, and Dr. Thomas Harris's groundbreaking bestseller has already helped millions respond in the affirmative. I’M OK – YOU’RE OK is “the product of a search to find answers for people who are looking for hard facts in answer to their questions about how the mind operates, why we do what we do, and how we can stop doing what we do if we wish.”

 

How to gain control of your future, no matter what has happened in the past – that is the promise Dr. Harris holds out in his well illustrated book in thirteen chapters. The author says that most people have come to accept that psychiatry is a good thing, but exactly what it is and what it does has not been made clear, especially as the words psychiatrists use seems to mean different things to different people. Dr. Harries has taken up the challenge in this book, in simple (though not simplistic) terms.

 

Dr. Harries believes that it's never too late to change your ego state. This book has techniques which work well on an individual, couple, or group level written in language that's easy to understand with its systematic approach which can be easily followed by people of any age group.

 

An excellent book and highly recommended for people who want a better understanding of themselves and others. This practical guide to TA is a unique approach to your problems. Hundreds of thousands of people have found this phenomenal breakthrough in psychotherapy a turning point in their lives. In sensible, non-technical language Thomas A Harris explains how to gain control of yourself, your relationships and your future - no matter what happened in the past.

 

About the Author:

Thomas Anthony Harris was an American psychiatrist. After receiving his M. D. from the Temple University School of Medicine, Harris joined the navy, to which he returned after he completed his residency and where he made a good career until he became Chief of the Psychiatry Branch of the Navy. He later opened his own psychiatric practice in Sacramento. Harris was a good friend of Eric Berne, founder of Transactional Analysis and author of the popular book “Games People Play“. Harris disagreed with Berne on a few concepts, but was overall a major proponent of Transactional Analysis.

 “I’m OK – You’re OK” (1967) introduces transactional analysis to the general public. Thomas Harris, the author, shows readers how to apply PAC to our daily social interactions, how to self-analyze ourselves, and how to learn to become more discerning, rational, and empowered human beings.

 

PAC: Parent, Adult, Child

Transaction analysis postulate there are three distinguishable modes within each one of us that we use to process information and respond to the stimuli around. These are the parent, the adult, and the child.

 

Parent

The Parent is the collection of all that the child has recorded during his early years of life. All rules, admonitions, and limitations belong to the parent. Harris says that since the children’s lives depend on the parents, everything from them is recorded as “true”. If the parent sends discordant messages the child might partially block out the parent, which is weakened or fragmented. If the parents were very intense in their rules, it might be harder for the adult to question and abandon those rules later in life.

 

Child

Since the child has no words in his early years most of his recollections are feelings.
The child, dependant on the mother, is always looking for signs of approval or disapproval. The child has no way to understand what causes approval or disapproval, which frustrates him and leads him to conclude: “I’m not OK”, which is hardwired in our brains and cannot be canceled. Same for the parents, adults can be transferred back to the child in grown-up transactions.

Adult

The adult grows as the child seeks answers for himself. He realizes there is different data from what is taught by the parent and what is felt by the child.

I quote Thomas Harris here:

The adult is different from the parent, which is judgmental in an imitative way and seeks to enforce sets of borrowed standards, and front the Child, which tends to react more abruptly on the basis of pre logical thinking and poorly differentiated or distorted perceptions’

 

The parent taught and demonstrated life. The child felt, wished or fantasized. The adult finds out. The adult has the power to examine the child to see whether or not the feelings are appropriate to the present or if they don’t serve him well anymore and are simply responses to archaic Parent data. Thomas Harry says that a secure youngster is one who finds that most Parent data is reliable: They told me the truth.

 

The Four Life Positions

 

Transaction analysis says there are four positions an individual can find himself in:

I’m Not OK, You’re OK: the default of all children

I’m Not OK, You’re Not OK: if the mother is cold and non-stroking or aggressive and brutalizing. An adult locked in this position rejects stroking and emotional connection from everyone else in life.

I’m OK, You’re Not OK: children of abusive parents, while recovering from wounds, can switch to a criminal stance were they see themselves as OK, but they parents -and later the world- are not OK

I’m OK, You’re OK: this is the only conscious position and a decision we make.

I’m Not OK, You’re OK is the default position for many. And the default position of every child. If the child very early thinks “I’m not OK”, he also concludes that his parent, the big provider of all his life needs, must be OK. Once we feel that we are not OK in a world of OK people, that’s when we play games, says the author. Games people play is a form of relief of the “Not OK” position.

 

K. Rajavel M.Sc., M.Ed.,

Principal